Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconeloquence-fair: More from eloquence-fair


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
May 15, 2010
File Size
2.0 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
3,405
Favourites
257 (who?)
Comments
55
×
01.
yesterday, i wrote
your name on a slip of paper
and folded it into an origami star.

it hangs on my bonsai tree
(little trees for big
wishes) as a just-in-case hope
for those times when it feels like
absolutely nothing
can make me
happy.

sometimes, when even stars
and little trees aren't
enough to make me happy, i cut
down the paper stars and pretend
that it is a meteorite shower in my
bedroom, but sometimes that
just makes it worse
because i realize
that shooting stars are actually
falling stars;

we are all just stars that have
forgotten the happy-thoughts that
made us fly,

it's just that some of us are blazing and beautiful
before we burn out. and die.

- -

02.
i can write disorderly words with random indents
and call it "poem", and
people will still say
they like it
because we all know
what it's like to be unhappy
and there is nothing
unhappy people like better
than making people
happy.


i can jump over my own leg and
touch my toes if i really try,
but i can't stop being terrible
and i can't stop thinking
i'm terrible.

but i'm trying, really. i'm trying.

- -

03.
cliches are last resorts for poets who
ran out of ideas.
they write things
like how someone has stolen
their heart and taken it somewhere
far far away and now it is
lost.

i like to hold two fingers on my neck
and remind myself that i have
a heart, but sometimes i
just can't make myself trust biology,
because writers never
trust
science.

fact:
beethoven composed without his ears;
i can write without my heart.
jumping rope, double dutch.
won't you ride bikes with me?





i don't know how to write, but i do know how to be honest.
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2014-06-12
staggering and struggling by eloquence-fair addresses old topics with new images; as the suggester says, it's "beautiful work". ( Suggested by youarelightinthedark and Featured by ShadowedAcolyte )
:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Student General Artist
Hah. Very good meta-poem poem.... I love this - it's SO REAL.
Reply
:iconqueentiara:
QueenTiara Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Student
:heart: This entire thing is so gorgeously truthful. I don't have any words to describe how nice this is.
Reply
:iconask-warrior-zelda:
Ask-Warrior-Zelda Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014
If only more understood this. 
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014   Writer
02 is my favorite. That's some raw truth there. The entire thing is lovely too, I just liked that part especially. Congrats on your DD!
Reply
:iconglitchblazie:
GlitchBlazie Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Student General Artist
;;
Reply
:iconlarynachos:
larynachos Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
2 and 3 really got to me.
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconartbyfieldsofsage:
artbyfieldsofsage Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Good work.  Each section (1, 2, 3) is an honest assessment of what you believe and what you feel.  It just doesn't get any better than that.  So here's a couple little thoughts and comments: Section 1 reminded me of a time, way way way way way long ago, when my baby sister was yet to be born ... and mom drew paper airplanes on lined composition paper (we didn't have money nor did we have art paper) and cut them out ... then she attached a string to each one and thumb-tacked them to the ceiling of the baby's room, in our rented apartment.  She let me participate.  As I recall I didn't do much ... except maybe get in the way and slow her down.  But she was in no hurry to finish the project and she was glad to have my "help" (tee hee).  A month or so later my sister was born.  Mom & Dad needed more space and soon bought a house.  And after that another house.  And more children for them ... and more siblings for me.  So I'm telling you this ... because ... section 1 of your poem brought back this very vivid, happy memory for me.  And I wonder ... whatever happened to the paper airplanes?

FYI: Reading the last part of your poem makes me see things, truths, that I didn't realize were there.  That we writers/artists don't trust science.  I tell myself repeatedly that I do.  I tell myself repeatedly that trusting science is the only true truth.  But the way you posed the statement makes me question my own beliefs.  And, oh how I love the line about putting your fingers on your neck to remind yourself that you have a heart ... and ending with how it is possible for you to write without a heart.  WOW!  You've given me many things to think about.  I am at a staggering loss for words.  I won't pretend I can interpret what you have written.  It will mean different things to different people.  So just let me thank you first of all for the wonderful memory of the paper airplanes and the birth of my baby sister ... and most of all for making me THINK:)
Reply
:iconcreamknight21:
CreamKnight21 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
All I can say is, good critic, Sir. That, my friends, is how you make a meaningful comment on a meaningful poem.
Reply
:iconartbyfieldsofsage:
artbyfieldsofsage Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much ... for critiquing my critique!  What a wonderful, unexpected ... yet highly valued ... response from you.  By-the-by, I am a "Madame."  (Don't take that so, oh how shall I say, "literally USA interpretation!!!"  I lived in France for years ... and "Madame" is the proper greeting for me:)  Again, THANKS for the critique, vis-à-vis!  I never NEVER make a comment unless I truly FEEL something and THINK something and honestly want to RELATE something.  I won't waste my time ... or yours.  I ALWAYS hesitate and fear I might insult the recipient ... but I take my chance and leave the interpretation up to the universe ... and the artist.  So glad you appreciate my amateur critique:)  Hug 
Reply
Add a Comment: